I have a desktop!!!!! that needs to be upgraded cuz it's a 2002 version... and I don't have internet connection, and there's only Microsoft Word inside... T.T

I did promise to blog about leng chai's but mebbe another post la...

Kids Are Quick
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TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America ...
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right..... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
______________ ___________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
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A funny one from jm:

Dear all, have a good laugh with this Chinese delivery..
Enjoy its innovative delivery method, the Chinese way...
forget about DHL, UPS or even FedEx!!! IF U DARE...
A family in the Southern Province of China, were puzzled when the coffin of their dead grandmother arrived from the States.
It was sent by one of the daughters.
The dead body was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it!
When they opened the lid, they found a letter on top; which read as follows:
'Dear Cousins, I am sending Ah-ma body to you since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Tung Shin.
Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leaves are consumed.
You will find inside the coffin, under Ah-ma's body, 12 cans of Yohmeitsu, 10 packets of Swiss chocolates and packets of Chinatown Lap Cheong.
Please divide these among all of you.
On Ah-ma's feet you will find a new pair of Nike Air shoes (size 10) for Ah boy.
Also, there are 2 pairs of shoes for Ah Mei's and Ah Lien's sons.
Hope the sizes are correct.
Ah-ma is wearing 6 CK T-Shirts.
The large size is for Ah Bak and the others are for my nephews.
Just distribute them among yourselves.
The 2 new Armani Jeans that Ah-ma is wearing are for the boys.
The Rolex watch that Lee Ah Bai wanted is on Ahma's left wrist.
Kiasu Aunty Pei Pei , Ahma is wearing the Tiffany necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for.
Please take them.
The 6 white Polo cotton socks that Ah ma is wearing must be divided among my teenage cousins.
Let me know what else you need as Ah Kong also not feeling well nowadays.
I can send all required things when our Ah Kong goes back too...'

OMG!!! Would you even dare do that??? :pPpPp

Another one from her:

Names

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. 'You all have obsessions,' he observed.

To the first mother, Mary: 'You are obsessed with eating. You've evennamed your daughter Candy.

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: 'Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.'

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: 'Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy.'

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, 'Come on, Dick, we're leaving!

PROJECT MANAGEMENT

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.

Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the Living Room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

'Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s**t!' exclaimed the eager salesman.

'Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that?' asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, 'Why, madam?'

'There's no electricity in the house!' said the lady.


MORAL: Gather all resources before working on any project and committing to the client...!!!

Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2 : The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time..

Rule 10: Television is NO T real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

1. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
2. Dear God, I have a problem, it's me.
3. Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
4. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.
5. Silence is often misinterpreted but never misquoted.
6. Do the math. Count your blessings.
7. Faith is the ability to not panic.
8. Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.
9. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you pray, don't worry.
10. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home everyday.
11. Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.
12. The most important things in your house are the people.
13. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.
14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.
15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead.





Don't blame me... I've got lots of mail cuz I was studying (yea right) for my mid terms...

TO MY CHILD

Just for this morning, I am going to

smile when I see your face and laugh

when I feel like crying.

Just for this morning, I will let you

choose what you want to wear,

and smile and say how perfect it is.

Just for this morning, I am going to step

over the laundry and pick you up and take you to

the park to play.

Just for this morning, I will leave the

dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put

that puzzle of yours together.

Just for this afternoon, I will unplug

the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with

you in the backyard and blow bubbles.

Just for this afternoon, I will not yell

once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and

whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one

if he comes by.

Just for this afternoon, I won't worry

about what you are going to be when you grow up, or

second guess every decision I have made where you are

concerned.

Just for this afternoon, I will let you

help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you

trying to fix them.

Just for this afternoon, I will take us

to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can

have both toys.

Just for this evening, I will hold you in

my arms and tell you a story about how you were

born and how much I love you.

Just for this evening, I will let you

splash in the tub and not get angry.

Just for this evening, I will let you

stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.

Just for this evening, I will snuggle

beside you for hours, and miss my favorite TV shows.

'Just for this evening when I run my

finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be

grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.

I will think about the mothers and

fathers who are searching for their missing children, the

mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's

graves instead of their bedrooms. The mothers

and fathers who are in hospital rooms

watching their children suffer senselessly and screaming

inside that little body
And when I kiss you goodnight I will hold

you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then,

that I will thank God for you, and ask him for

nothing, except one more day..............

Talk about the Malaysian chapter thing, I don't think I made it, but it was worth a try:

HELP ERADICATE POVERTY AND HUNGER… PLEASE!

As money is splashed on a new dress or a tuxedo, every minute, 20 children are dying of starvation and poverty. Cruel and mean as it may sound but this is reality. Man was created to live in equality. However, there are those who choose to ‘want more’ than others. Would you say God is unfair then, the rich becoming richer, the poor becoming poorer? The more someone takes, the less others will have. What is considered poverty or hunger? According to http://www.globalissues.org, poverty is where a person only survives on $2.50 or less a day. And where there is poverty, there is hunger. Can you get a nutritious meal in an impoverished country for $2.50? Tell me where and perhaps those who earn such meager salaries might survive another day. Sure, there are voluntary organizations everywhere in the world but how many people are they able to help as most of them are independent and self-funded. The figures of fatality are simply alarming and keep increasing as we waste more time trying to argue over who to help or not.

Time and time again, we are asked to help the needy but perhaps the phrase ‘seeing is believing’ does not work anymore unless we are there to witness it for ourselves. The internet, magazines show pictures of malnourished adults and children alike, articles and essays like this would have most probably become a cliché yet not many people are aware and lifting a finger to help. Maybe we should go to Ethiopia, Eritrea or Zimbabwe, places where people are only skin and bones, where diseases are rife and flies settle amongst the living and the dead, where a thirst quencher is a drop of muddied water, where winged termites flying through a field are a blessing as children eat them as they catch them. And here we are, complaining of how much weight we’ve put on and must go on a diet plan. Their clothes are falling apart and filthy, they do not have a roof over their heads. We, on the other hand, do not appreciate what we have and take things for granted.

Maybe we are afraid of fake charity organizations. The world is going through globalization. So, put technology to good use, do research before donating to a trusted organization. The time, effort and money put in will save a few impoverished, average families of 10 if not a village. Aids should not only be delivered but protected by the United Nations and a tighter security to be implemented to avoid them being taken by unscrupulous parties who want to make more money. Better yet, join an organization and give some of your time. People are dying from the cause of hunger and poverty. “Not my business,” you might say. Then, perhaps when it is your time, God might say, “Not my business.” A little less spending on oneself and a little more giving to those who need it won’t harm anyone.

Oh, and another thing: My brother wants to watch HMS 3 (if you are a fan, you'll know what it is as I can't bear to type it out). I only watched HMS 1 to insult it (sorry to my cousin sis who actually burned it on a CD for us to watch, it was fun while it lasted, but it's not a Bourne trilogy...). I have yet to watch HMS 2 to insult it as well. And I wouldn't be caught dead watching HMS 3 in a cinema... Maybe I should download it instead.